Presence

The weather finally is catching up with the calendar. It was actually WARM today. Of course, with warm comes mud, but that’s okay. Mud will dry- makes for messy hoof picking in the interim though.

We are also in the midst of the great SHEDDING. I keep finding horse hair everywhere. I got to work this morning and realized my coat was covered with it.  The uneasy thought occurred to me the coat probably smells like horse too. Oh well, I concluded. Who cares?

I believe this belligerent attitude is due to weather delays, canceled rides, and events. It’s a busy time of year and I feel like I have to stop to catch my breath.

But I suspect the real reason for my foul mood is that the past surfaced without invitation this week. Old scars aren’t as healed as I thought and I’ve spent the last two days alternating angry and sad. The memoir I had constructed to assuage an old loss, an old hurt, was revealed as fiction, not history. Everything I had come to terms with years ago has come undone.

And I am angry. And I am hurt. And I am tired.

If it wasn’t for Jigs, I would be a wreck.

But there he was tonight, standing in the mud munching hay, watching me with that look of his. For that moment, there was just him and me. Nothing else mattered, not the mud, the long day, or self-delusion.

20130126_170323(1)

Advertisements
Explore posts in the same categories: horses, Responsible horse ownership, trail riding, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , , , , ,

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.

2 Comments on “Presence”

  1. alyssa graveson Says:

    This blog sums up how I feel about, my mother, my job and other bologna lately. Thank you.

    ALYSSA

    ________________________________


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: