Helen Marina Paul July 4, 1933 – April 3, 2019

helen paul at cape seal tour

The past two weeks have been incredibly difficult. My mother passed away on April 3. The death certificate lists the time at 1:34 AM, but it was earlier because it took the nurse 45 minutes to come.  It’s funny how details like that stick in your mind.

My mother’s congestive heart failure had worsened; she refused treatment. At 85, she was tired. Her world had shrunken. She missed my father and all who passed before.  She wanted to stay home and was terrified she would end up in a nursing home. I could not allow that.

Hospice was invoked on Monday; she was gone barely into Wednesday. She was not alone. We were all there.

Since then I have been consumed by the things that have to happen when someone dies- Wake, funeral, finances, taxes. There is still more to do.

My girls and Jigs have kept me sane. Everyone has been so kind.

My eldest did the remembrance at the funeral. I just couldn’t do it. It was beautiful and she captured our best memories.

The house feels empty.  I have been staying here almost 15 years- since my father got sick.

Taking care of my mother was the core focus the past few years. I’m not sure what will happen next. It is all changed now. I guess my life will settle into a new pattern. I will adjust, but I will always miss her.

Explore posts in the same categories: #besthorseintheworld, aging parents, Family, horses, Living in the moment, Medical Hoo Haa, Responsible horse ownership, Uncategorized

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2 Comments on “Helen Marina Paul July 4, 1933 – April 3, 2019”

  1. Randy Banton Says:

    Annamaria – I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. My mother passed last August at a similar age, ailments, and it seems personality. What sticks in my mind a few short months before her death was her saying, “I’m not living, I’m just existing”. That was her, short and to the point. She had fought back from several lows over the prior 10 years or so back to good health, however, this last time I couldn’t disagree. My father had passed 20-some years ago. There is indeed a new pattern and path forward that will develop amongst family and friends. With my deepest empathy, Randy Banton

    • heccateisis Says:

      Randy, thank you for sharing. It is had to watch our parents, or others we love, cycle through illness recovery and illness again. Quality of life does matter. I am sorry for your loss.

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