March Madness

5:37 AM EST yesterday was the Vernal Equinox, the start of Spring. Some friends and I celebrated by taking a trail ride through glorious sunshine.

I tried to cast off my insecurities and leave them behind with Winter, but feelings, like the weather do not respect boundaries. There was no free flying up the hill with them. Jigs and I walked or trotted behind, catching up. Unhappy, he let me know this was not the speed he wanted. Last week he threw a buck in frustration, fighting my request to go slow. Yesterday he was resigned, but furious.

This is the annual cycle. Spring rides are not joyous for me- or him. A few years back at a March clinic I could not get over the fear of literally flying off his back because his joy included yahoo antics. The clinician tried riding him and as usual he became a different horse, stubborn and contrary. Handed back to me, the instruction was, just push him through it.

If my seat were in the saddle maybe I could.

Every March we struggle with this seasonal madness. This year is different. Recent events have reduced me. My confidence is gone, not just with Jigs. Honestly, I have been questioning if I should give up riding all together.

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