I have never been comfortable with having my photo taken but when a friend, who is a talented photographer and fellow barn rat, offered to take some photos of Jigs, I thought, it might be fun, so why not?
The pictures are stunning. Bethani captured quiet moments between Jigs and me.
And as you can see, Jig’s is a bit of a ham!
I highly recommend Pictorial Tales By Bethani.
My family doesn’t celebrate adult birthdays. I can’t tell you the last time I had a cake. Not that I care.
Today is my birthday. I am officially over 60.
I chose today to scan my fading photos of Freedom. The old Kodak and Polaroid snapshots don’t age as well as me. Going through them has made me a little sad and a lot grateful for the life I was given.
I try not to regret anything. It’s wasted time. That doesn’t mean we cannot learn from our failures, our mistakes. In some ways, they can be a gift if we don’t rip them open carelessly.
But there is one regret I have been unable to leave behind. It is Freedom. The hurt of having to sell him to go to college is as fresh at 61 as it was at 18. My regret is that I did not fight hard enough to convince my parents to let me keep him.
Saying Goodbye 1976
I do believe if I had not sold him, my life would be different.
Freedom was purchased by a woman who promised she would give us first right of refusal. I did visit him once, about a year after he left me. I tried to contact her again, but the number was disconnected.
Last Visit with an Old Friend
I found out years later that she had gone through a nasty divorce. Freedom and her other horse, went to auction.
He was a good-looking appaloosa, well bred, so there is a chance he landed safely. I did reach out to the Appaloosa Horse Club to try to find his new owner, but I was still listed. The paperwork was never transferred.
I don’t know what that means. I hope he found a family to cherish him the way I did. I think about him every day. He lives in my heart.
End of December is the time for retrospectives of the year. A lot of the bloggers I follow have posted theirs already. One stated that blogs are old school and announced she is moving to other venues, pod casts, on line classrooms, for a fee. The free blog will remain, but I wonder for how long. Everyone must make a living. I get that.
Rather than looking back, I am looking toward 2019. Disclaimer-despite my fondness for Tarot, I am not clairvoyant. Expectations may or may not be realized. There will be hardships. There will be moments of joy. My hope is joy will out weight hardships.
And what are my expectations?
I expect to laugh and cry with those I love. I expect to continue preparing for retirement. I expect to ride Jigs down new trails. I expect to attend horse events, lessons, cow sorting, versatility, maybe a show if I get brave. I expect to win a few ribbons. Maybe.
Missing are my wished-for things: economic stability, a truck, Jigs at home with me, a finished book of poetry, 40 years in the making.
On January first, I will take down the ribbons Jigs won in 2018 and put away the memories of our successes, near successes, and yes, failures.
The space above his stall will be empty- a proverbial blank slate- a space for realized possibilities that will become 2019.
Happy New Year’s!
Versatility season is over. This week I got to watch my friend and the mustang she trained compete at Equine Affair and do very well. It was exciting cheering for them.
Daylight Savings has ended, and my lessons will be on hold, or at least rescheduled due to lack of light. I have learned a lot since we started them. but still have a long way to go.
I am gaining confidence. Although my goal was to get better at the canter, we have also improved the trot thanks to my instructor. She doesn’t get frustrated when I repeatedly ask her to break things down. She’s also not afraid to get on Jigs and show me.
This all paid off- in September and October, Jigs earned two first place finishes. And won money!!! I must say Jigs was more impressed with the treats that came with that prize.
Last weekend we finished second in a large pleasure ride.
Enter a caption
More importantly, Jigs appears to enjoy these competitions. If he didn’t, we would stop. I would be okay riding trails and collecting miles. Having said that, we may expend our horizon next year…. maybe a few cow clinics or perhaps try, dare I think it, a show?
Summer is gone.
Not sure how and when it went but it is definitely gone. This morning was cold enough to require a jacket- orange to be visible to hunters, although it is not deer season yet.
Riding was a luxury this past summer. Work got into the way. My mother was ill.
Fall started off the same. In September I spent two weeks in Australia, missing some of my favorite organized trail rides. Except for a few sessions with my instructor, Jigs was on vacation.
Last weekend, after only riding twice since my return, we competed in a local Versatility. Jigs was a superstar and we finished first overall! I am proud of him.
1st Place 2018
Winning despite our light riding schedule got me to thinking. I had been feeling guilty about not spending time with him, about not riding enough, for heaven sakes, about not grooming him enough. These are the thoughts that run wild when I am stressed, when I am tired.
Jigs is a horse. He may have noticed I was missing, or not. After all, he had his herd mates, daily feedings. He gets the best care at the barn where he is boarded. Isn’t that what matter most to him?
Is it human hubris to think I matter to him when out of sight?
Maybe the time off was good for him. He got a break, a vacation if you will, from my constant stress and self-nagging. Maybe not.
The one thing I do know, Jigs was certainly a superstar last weekend!
Last night something wonderful happened.
It’s been hot. Too hot to ride with the temps in the 90s and the humidity above 65. But there was a slight breeze last night and I could hear thunder in the distance- a promise of relief that never came.
I decided to jump on bareback for a few moments. My thought was to navigate a few obstacles and then hose him off.
Jigs cooperated- well, in between trying to grab the long grass at the edge of the area. We trotted around a bit. We chased the big jolly ball.
And then something wonderful happened. I wrapped my legs around his rib cage and we loped!
Honestly it was totally by accident. Normally our transitions are fraught with bumps between lope and trot or walk.
Not this time. Jigs picked up a carousel type lope and transitioned back to the walk smoothly after a few strides. I was shocked. Tears filled my eyes.
At first it was an accident. Then I asked for it. We did it again, and again.
The last time I loped bareback was as a teenager on Freedom! I never thought at my age I would be able to do it.
Thank you to #thebesthorseintheworld!!!
We did it. We won the Senior Division of the 2018 Bay State Trail Rider’s Lea MacInnis Judged Pleasure Ride! We have never finished better than second before.
The funny thing is that our scores were better last year. Jigs and I left a lot of points on the trail, but a win is a win and we have some things to work on! Points were lost because I rushed Jigs and in one case, did not listen to instructions. User error.
Unlike a versatility, the Lea Macginnis Judged Pleasure Ride is a trail ride with obstacles sprinkled throughout. Points are awarded for how well the horse and rider perform each task. Some obstacles are like those in a versatility or trail class; others are closer to what trail riders encounter on the trail. For example, this year’s challenge included crossing a narrow metal bridge over running water. You had to dismount and walk your horse across, then remount. An extra point was awarded for mounting on the offside.
Jigs and I needed that point. He HATES these types of bridges and rushed passed me to his friends on the other side. Naughty pony.
I fretted most of the 7 miles about the upcoming second to last obstacle. It was a jump and then a canter. I am terrified of jumping and, well, I have no confidence at the canter.
Canter? I have to Canter in public?
Jigs trotted to the jump and stepped over it, nicking the rail with his hind hoof and loosing a point, BUT we got the canter correct!!! Trophy or not, that made the day perfect.
Senior Division
My friend and her young mustang took over all champion and won the year end award. I am so proud of them!
Jigs and I snagged third in Sunday’s versatility. Not terrible, but not competitive.
3rd Open Division
After only two riding lessons, I am not confident to canter between obstacles. But I AM more aware of my lack of riding skills. My body lurches too far forward and my legs curl too far back. Watching the video of our run was painful. Ugg.
Beep Beep Beep or Back Back Back
I’m having doubts that I can get better.
Cracking the Egg
But we had fun, even managed to sneak into the Atlantic Ocean to cool off.
That’s the whole point, isn’t it? Relieving stress? Not creating it?
The minis at the versatility were so damned cute. Watching them helped me forget my shortcomings. And there was a horse with a UNICORN HORN! A lovely, shiny rainbow horn.
Ebay, Etsy. I searched and found they are out there. Unicorn Horns. For sale! Realize your fantasy. What color should I order?
Jigs would ABSOLUTELY hate having a unicorn horn.
He was not thrilled with the flowers I clipped to his mane or the bright blue biothane tack or the turquoise saddle seat. Okay It’s me who is not too keen on the seat and horses don’t see color that well.
Waiting Our Turn
As I told someone recently, I am one of those aged women who try to relive the childhood we wish we had with glittery tack.
If I can’t be a good rider, maybe I can distract myself with sparkles?
There is another versatility next weekend and a trail competition…. Best to stick with the riding lessons. Better for Jigs, better for me.
We went to a cow sorting clinic yesterday. Given the mud, ice, rain, and snow this winter, being in a dry indoor with good footing was a treat.
Jig and I tried sorting three or four years ago. We I was not very good. He loved it and remained laser focused on the cows even when not on the ring. He seemed to enjoy the idea that they were there to do what he wanted.
Waiting for the cows
I figured the clinic would be a good way for us to see if we should do a few competitions this season. There was supposed to be a sorting contest today, but alas, there is more rain and mud in the forecast, so it was canceled- too much mud for trailers.
Our very brief foray into sorting made us the “experienced” ones. Well, there was a retired cutter, but cutting is what he wanted to do when he saw the cows. Cutting and sorting are quite different.
The clinician was good. She competes herself, and quickly assessed the level of partnership between each horse and rider. Jigs and Spock, my friend’s mustang, were sized up as having good groundwork skills, although she pointed out that Jigs is lazy. Yep.
We watched as she worked with other pairs to improve their groundwork skills. That made for a long afternoon of waiting our turn. Each horse was introduced to the cows on the ground before mounting up. It was a good approach because a few horses were overwhelmed by the a low keyed cows.
Waiting our turn
At the end of the clinic we teamed up for a trial sort run. Jigs got both his cows, but we were not good on the line. Jigs was excited and wanted to go back after another cow. I had to work to keep his attention on me, as a result, one slipped by.
Despite the boring periods of watching others, I did learn quite a bit. There will be a team sort competition in our future.
I will be 60 tomorrow.
A milestone.
Tomorrow is my birthday
I don’t feel 60.
I still feel like that horse crazy girl the other kids made fun of- the girl who galloped through the playground pretending to be a wild horse.
I still feel like the horse crazy girl whose parents wouldn’t, couldn’t understand.
I still feel like the horse crazy girl who cried for weeks because her parents chose a swimming pool over horse camp.
I still feel like the horse crazy girl who fell off the borrowed, nasty pony mare every day, without loosing faith. The mare who taught persistence and how to ride bareback because there was no saddle.
I still feel like the horse crazy girl who loved an appaloosa yearling- love a first sight in the bowels of a horse trader’s barn. The little horse who saved my life.
I still feel like the horse crazy girl who had to accept college over heart’s desire.
I still feel like the horse crazy middle-aged girl who loved Pepperoni. Who bought Pepperoni even though he had uveitis . Pepper who taught me everything- Pepper who taught me that love means letting go.
Pepper
I still feel like the middle-aged grieving girl who walked around a corner that fateful February and found the red pony- the red pony with the “here I am, what took you so long” look.
I still feel like the middle-aged woman who was stunned to win a saddle because her red pony really was the best horse that day- we were just having fun.
I still feel like the middle-aged woman who stresses about how work and family keep her from the red pony. The woman who dropped 26 pounds for her pony’s sake.
I am the one day from 60-year-old woman whose red pony threw half a flake of hay on her, as if to share his dinner- birthday eve gift.
I will always be that horse crazy girl….
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