I have had a job of some sort ever since I was 14. Even the summer I took off to finish my master’s thesis, I wrote a weekly column for a local ad paper. (Remember those? It was the 80s after all). What to fill time with?
But I will be busy over the next months. I’m overwhelmed at how busy. First to arrange expenses to fit a lower income. This means getting the house ready for sale and finding another in a less expensive community, preferably with acreage. To do that means another go around sorting 60 years of stuff accumulated by my parents. My dad NEVER threw anything away. There are some things I don’t love, but could not let go the first time because my mother loved them.
But the best part will be riding during the work week. I admit all the Facebook and Instagram photos of others riding weekdays make me jealous. Now I will take my own weekday photos!
Vertigo kept me from riding the past few weeks. This episode lasted days and included a trip to the ER. I was finally able to hop on bare back and walk gingerly around the ring for about 25 minutes on Friday.
Initially on the fence about having my usual Sunday lesson, I decided to do it. Worse case- it would be time in good footing with someone watching me- safer than trying to regain my balance alone.
After walking around the indoor both directions, I tried trotting. Not bad. I was mostly balanced. So why not try for third gear? (What my instructor calls canter because Jigs knows verbal queues.) Surprisingly, it was the best cantering in a long time. Still leaning left going clockwise, but less so than usual. Not bad for two out of shape old coots.
With the memory of dizzy, I focused on ahead, not down. Repeat: I DID NOT LOOK DOWN! OR BACK
February has been warm, too warm. Last week I canceled my lesson because Saturday morning was -11 F and it was near 50 degrees the next day. I did not want my pony to get a belly ache. He is 20 this year after all!
Yesterday was not as warm, but perfect for an 8.5-mile jaunt through Douglas State Forest. Our route included a few scenic trails we had not ridden before.
The best part of the day: Jigs was so excited to go out with his friend Copper, he loaded himself on the trailer without me asking! I do think he enjoys these outings.
No resolutions for 2023. How can I know what my reality will be in three months, six, or eleven? What defines me today may not be relevant tomorrow.
The rational me counters, but without goals how do you get anywhere? Achieve anything? Fair point.
A local news commentator declared successful resolutions are “smart goals.” I’m left pondering if resolutions are goals? Goals map out a journey toward a larger vision.
Perhaps the relevant question is what is my vision for 2023 and beyond?
When I was “less old,” I used to play a game where I wrote a letter from my future self to my current self. In it, I described what I had done and was doing. It was an attempt to actualize success. At thirty-five, I thought I had time to meander along paths of distraction. So, I did. Nothing in those letters ever came true.
And now there is less time to “fulfill” a “vision.” But if each step, each moment in time, is a life lived, does it matter? My vision is to continue meandering along the paths of distraction and leave behind trails of joy.
Saturday was the final Mountain Trail Challenge of 2022. We placed second in adult and first in open level 2, receiving our highest scores ever!
#Besthorseintheworld
What a year! Jigs advanced from Level 1 to Level 2 through lessons, clinics, and practice. I am grateful for everyone who supported us this year. Without them, we would not have met our goal – to compete successfully at level 2.
Tetter Totter
To say I am proud of my horse in an understatement. I am blessed that we found each other. He’s a forgiving horse. My heart leaps when I hear his nicker.
Texas Two Step
Next year we start work on reaching level 3, which includes 360 degree turns on obstacles and cantering. It will be a stretch, but if we both stay healthy, we can get there with patience, time, practice, and a lot of lessons.
Ranch horse class scratched off the bucket list. Okay, only walk trot, but the first real ring show I have been in since 4-H in my teens- almost 50 years ago!
We took 5th places in Ranch Equitation and Pattern at the Blandford Fair. The latter because there were 5 entries. I am proud of Equitation. It was a larger class; we were not last. We ribboned despite Jigs picking up the canter twice. Not sure if the judge saw it.
Ranch Equitation – 5th Place
We were last in Halter (HATED IT) and Pleasure. Jigs does not have a slow jog and is too quick for quarter horse type classes.
There were 70 plus classes on the day. It was a long wait for 4 classes- less than 45 minutes in the ring.
Will I do another ring show? Not likely, although I did like the pattern class. At my age it is hard to remember required transitions, let alone get the red pony to slow down and extend his trot.
The ribbons were pretty. Our 360s in both directions were perfect! And I know what we must work on- speed control, halt, staying in gait. Fixing these will improve our ability to be competitive in Mountain Trail Challenges.
We hit the trails yesterday for the first time in over a month. I had a relaxed pony and worked on trot/halt transitions. We did not canter. Still not 100% comfortable with speed on the trails- especially when I am alone, which is 100% of the time.
Our plan was cow sorting tonight, but the event was canceled. Really bummed. Jigs loves chasing cows. Trying to find things he likes so he doesn’t get sour. Next week is another Mountain Trail Challenge! He does seem to like them. Now if we can just get the 180 turn on an obstacle. That is our goal this year!
Jigs and I attended a mountain trail clinic last weekend at Salmon River Horse Park in upstate New York. Cathy Drumm is a wonderful clinician. We attended a few western dressage/working equitation clinics with her already where she showed me about slowing down and being softer- something I need to do beyond horses. Funny how that works.
Normally I’m impatient doing groundwork but I surprised myself by gaining new techniques that filled holes in my knowledge and will translate to riding.
Texas Two Step
Over the years Jigs and I competed in versatility where fastest time through the obstacles wins. Horsemanship was not considered which led to bad habits. We completed courses but it was not pretty. In mountain trail challenges, you are judged on horsemanship and obstacles. Time may be a factor but only a small portion of the overall scores.
Swinging Bridge
Getting Jigs over the obstacles is not an issue, it is the how we go over and the maneuver. Halt, turn, backup and straightness trip us up and deny good scores. Slowing down, keeping my hands from pulling on the turns is difficult for me which makes it hard for him. I want to do better for us both.
Water Box
It was a fun weekend full of confidence building accomplishments. It is the first time we cantered in the water! We didn’t look pretty but we did it! At the end of the clinic, there was a mock challenge with a judge who gave us scores and feedback. The first thing she told me was I was biting my lip coming into the course. I should relax and smile. Really good advice. Another was hip before hands! Brain knows but the body is still learning. We came away with new tools and a lot to work on!
I have not posted in a while. Lessons and clinics consume my weekends, work my weekdays, several contain a commute.
Lessons are focused on breaking through the barrier of insecurity and fear. Trail riding is a rare event as I work to become a better rider for my 19-year-old pony. I know it’s silly to anthropomorphize horse behavior, but Jigs truly seems to enjoy the first half hour of our lessons- especially the cantering part. Beyond that, not so much.
Working Equitation Clinic
Fun moments are strung between frustrating ones. I’m relearning to balance both trot and canter. Proper riding is critical for elder fitness.
I struggle with turns on the forehand, turns on the haunches. Last lesson my instructor put a whip through my elbows and behind my back to retrain my hands – like a kid learning the basics. But I understand this is needed to get clean turns. Years of structureless riding built up bad habits of hands, body, and mind. Retraining is hard but then there are the moments when it comes together, and we get a neat turn or canter to a clean stop between poles. There is a glimmer of what can be.
Days are longer, Summer, nearly here. There will be more lessons, clinics, and maybe even a few competitions. Balancing the canter is not unlike life, it’s about slowing down, sometimes even stopping to gather yourself and try again.
As though I haven’t risen like a phoenix from a thousand deaths
As though I haven’t been reborn to notice that my mission is not dead yet
Alanis Morissette – Losing the Plot
My daughters love Alanis Morrisette. She was an inspiration to them in the 90s. I was young enough to appreciate Jagged Little Pill too. Raw and honest, she gave us permission to be angry, to rage, to be crazy, to love, to stand up for ourselves.
Over the years we have gone to Alanis concerts together. We saw the musical Jagged Little Pill at the American Repertory Theater in Cambridge, MA, and again the first month it opened on Broadway. What an amazing pre-covid New York memory that is.
I have come to love adult Alanis. Her last album, Such Pretty Forks in the Road, contains mature female angst. The struggle of balancing family, work, joy, depression, anger…. The wide swings from ordinary, to extraordinary, to sadness, to madness, it is all there.
Adulting is hard. Finding balance between bliss and drudgery is maddening. Some days there is no time. Fear trips the scale toward unbearable, leading to avoidance. Awareness of mortality is a buzz kill.
Cookies?
Not much riding since fall. Weather, time, obligations, and avoidance are barriers. Most weekdays I do not visit Jigs. On a good day, I get to sneak to the barn at lunch and play treat dispenser. I rarely ride any longer. Some days we just walk.
For now, that must be enough.
Walking with the pony
The snow is melting and the mud will dry. Lessons start next week. We are signed up for clinics.
I sing along with with Alanis, “the fire is not out yet.”
Heccateisis's Blog 